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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The other question I do not like to answer.

I did the blogradio interview tonight. Candy, the host, was very nice; and I think it went okay. She asked about me the pain, to describe it. I do not like talking about it but I did. (No point or why accept the invitation in the first place?) She asked me about family support. I definitely do not like talking about that.

The word 'should'. "Obligation, duty, or correctness. Indicating a desirable or expected state."

Family 'should' be there for you. Many people see that is a major duty of a family, no matter how poorly you get along. At the end of the day, I hear this so often, from others about their families, when someone is in trouble, no matter what the relationship, or lack of one, we are all there for each other.

I think Candy was surprised with my answer. No, they were not there for me. She did not ask me to elaborate. It was not the place even if I had wanted to talk more about it.

I have to admit I get tired of mother's day and father's day and advertisements with everyone loving up each other. It hurts me when people ask "Who is your next of kin?" There is no 'kin', even though the ones still alive live only a few minutes away.

The first time I was admitted to the hospital for the pain I was in for almost two months and had the first of my brain surgeries. Dr. Schatz, the admitting doctor, had written in the chart "Encourage her family to visit more." My father came almost every day. (As would become a habit, my mother could not come because she was in the hospital (elsewhere). This happened for over half of my hospital stays.) My 3 siblings, never.

I went to recuperate, at least until I could get back to my apartment in NYC, at my parents' house. My mother was still in the hospital. My one sister and her husband were at the house helping my father.

I developed a high fever and had to go to the emergency room. My sister and her husband took me. As we left the house she made sure I understood why they, instead of my father, were taking me. "I want you to know we're doing this for daddy." She wanted it to be perfectly understood it had nothing to do with helping me.

I do not want to go into chapter and verse of the things they have done to me or the way I have been treated. A lot of it is Freudian. I am 58 and the two remaining siblings are in their 60's, old enough to put freudian hurts behind us.

I am working on not stammering when I have to say I cannot do something because of the pain. I have to learn to do the same when it comes to explaining why the answer is "No." when the issue of family support comes up.

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