My book.

My book.
"Fascinating" Stephen S. Hall. writer, N.Y.Times magazine. "Hard to put down." A.C.P.A., American Chronic Pain Association.

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Tuesday, December 6, 2011


Prophylaxis - just in case.

I keep the stimulator on at the lowest level - timed to come on 1 minute every 1 1/2 hours, but just in case they can replace it, or better yet fix it, I will keep it on, even though it has stopped helping. The pain is coming sooner, the eye time for reading or just using my eye in general is getting shorter and shorter before the pain kicks in.

I hate taking the codeine. Even after all these years it still feels like a sign of weakness.

Now I have to make a choice. Do I keep fighting the pain and fighting doing something about it? That tactic is no good. Not unless I want to take to my bed, just me and the 13" TV. But even then a show where the colors are very bright or there is a lot of moving about, the pain invites itself in.

I have choir and chorus at church. Christmas is coming, more music then usual, longer rehearsal time, more to sing during the service. What choice do I have?

The codeine has never helped. Well, almost never. When the pain was at its worst I sometimes took 3, 4, onoe memorial day, 5 grains - 5 tablets - in an hour. The prescribed dosage is 1 pill every 4 hours. The pain stayed but the pills made me feel like I was encased in gauze, the pain outside of me. The downside is it took 5 pills to do that.

So I decide maybe I will take it prophylactically. I have been doing that somewhat even before the stimulator stopped helping. Instead of waiting to get to rehearsal I would take half a codeine on my way there. I would always need at least one more while we were singing, and reading the music scores, but at least I was maybe a half an hour ahead of the game. No, not really. As long as the pain rose to a higher level what was the point of taking it before I got there?

Here is an idea. Think about it. What if, instead, I take it an hour before I get there? The maximum point of impact is 2 - 3 hours, an hour to 'hit' and an hour to wear off - so my thinking goes.

I dp that. And find my mouth is so dry I can barely sing. Plus I still need more while at rehearsal or during the service.

I have not figured out what to do. The prophylactic pill seems to make the most sense but makes me feel worse; cloudy, tired, and cotton mouthed.
To wait and let the pain get there first is non-sensical.

I kind of hoped writing this would give me the answer. Instead I gulp another codeine while writing this post.

What is the equation of pill to pain and when? Boy. I wish for all of us I had the answer.

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