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"Fascinating" Stephen S. Hall. writer, N.Y.Times magazine. "Hard to put down." A.C.P.A., American Chronic Pain Association.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Odd doc sayings (and sightings)

Quotes from my docs or folks I have known who are docs: (Just a sampling.)

"This is the kind of x-ray that when you see it you want to leave the room and vomit." The orthopedist looking at an x-ray of my neck.

"If you jump out the window we are only on the second floor, you'll just break your ankle." My neurologist visiting in my hospital room. The remark was unrelated to anything I had ever said to him.

"Are you high yet? Are you high yet?" Same doc after he put a cocaine saturated Q-tip up my nose.

"There are times like today when I believe in her pain." Written in chart by above doc but his disbelief never expressed to me.

"I'm going to expose myself." Another neurologist, whom I adore, said so I would blush making my forehead birthmark redder and proving the birth defect.

"I am not a very good doctor but because I know that it makes me a good doctor because I send my patients to other docs." Said by a family friend.

"I got through medical school only because I have a photographic memory."
Explanation by a doctor I had worked with on how he became a doctor.

"Seeing you in person is the difference between reading about England and going to England." A neurosurgical resident explaining why the neurosurgeon changed his mind about operating.

(This I did, and did not, want to hear.)
"What you are saying is very logical so I will operate, even though I think there is only a 25% chance it will help you."
Neurosurgeon after a lengthy conversation with me. (And good for him, he actually listened to me.) The surgery did not hurt, whether it helped I am not sure because I was always better in the summer.

Seen in the facial pain specialist dentist's office:
A room full of men and women, some sitting, some reading, some knitting, some chatting, all of them with a cocaine saturated Q-tip sticking out of one nostril.

"Most women have to stand in line to get a look at me."
Said by a very good looking surgeon to a woman in coma, to see if she would open her eyes. (I do not know how she resisted but she did.)

"I like you more this time." A neurosurgeon that I disliked who evidently also disliked me, when I was readmitted to the hospital.

Nurses told me this one:
While I am waiting in line in the pre-op room downstairs, my neurosurgeon and his resident are seen rushing into my room - to get chocolate out of my top drawer.

Seen in my top bedside drawer: All sorts of chocolate candy, especially Chunkies, so my neurosurgeon would always be able to get one when he came to my room. (Always want to keep your neurosurg happy.)

"I don't think we're going to find anything." Dr. Osterholm the day before he was to operate.

"I didn't think we would find anything." Dr. Osterhom after the surgery, which immediately stopped the pain, and showed the dozens or more of extra blood vessels that were causing it (and were proof of the birth defect.)


  1. I should have added, please add your own.

  2. Haha, these are great! I think the funniest thing a doctor every said to me happened when I was in a clinic getting an antibiotic shot in my behind. I was bent over, with my pants pulled down, and the male doctor said to me, "This is kinda thick, so it might hurt going in." I couldn't resist and said, "Not the first time I've heard that, doctor!" :-)

  3. Hi Mistyxoxo, Just saw your great Lupus site. Thanks for reading (and adding). Carol