Thursday night was Maundy Thursday, commemorating the Last Supper of Jesus. There was a service at church and the choir would be singing one song.
I sing with the choir every Sunday. Rehearsals are hard for me, usually requiring at least one grain of codeine. It makes me feel logy, and my mouth dry. That makes it harder to sing.
There was only one song for the Thursday service but the choir director wanted us to come in early for a quick rehearsal (the same as on Sundays before service). After the service another rehearsal for the Easter Sunday service. In between, of course, was the ssrvice itself.
I worried all week. Can I do all this on Thursday? How much pain am I going to have? Am I going to be able to tolerate all of the eye work involved? Will I be able to smile and not let on how much pain I am having?
The last question was a gimme. Few people knew that I had pain. For those that did, they did not know that every choir time was a physical fight for me.
I wanted to sing at the service. I definitely wanted to sing for Sunday's Easter service. To do so I had to go to rehearsal. There was no choice.
So the line becomes what is worse, to do what you want and pay the high price or not do it and pay the cost of missing out on something so very important?
I heard this idea the other day. Things are not always black or white. Look hard enough and there may be a third alternative.
What is that alternative when you have pain and it is action specific?
How and when do you decide the pain outweighs the benefit (or enjoyment)?
I do not know. I pose the question. I was glad I went to the service. I could not have done so without staying for the rehearsal but I was also overwhelmed by the pain. The 2 did not cancel each other out.
But already I am anticipating, and fearing, next year.