Our Dirty Words

https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2021/1/30/a-pained-life-our-dirty-words A Pained Life: Our Dirty Words January 30, 2021 By Carol Levy, PNN Columnist You may remember the late comedian George Carlin’s monologue: “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television." I won’t list them here, but they are “dirty” words better off not being said, even off television. I thought about Carlin’s list the other day when I realized there were some words that I use all the time. They’re not dirty words, but for many of us who have chronic pain, they’re words that often prove to be hurtful. Words that we need to let go of. For example, a major portion of my trigeminal neuralgia pain comes from eye usage and eye movement. I love to read and whenever I pick up a book I know it’ll cause pain, but I refuse to let the pain take this from me. As I read, the pain starts to grow and becomes demanding: “Stop! STOP NOW!” But the plot is thickening and the killer will be soon be unmasked (I hope) in the next few paragraphs, so I keep reading. And the pain keeps growing. The voice in my head yells: “You have to stop. You have to stop NOW!” The other voice, the one that refuses to accept my limitations, answers: “Just one more page. Just one more paragraph. Just one more sentence.” I can listen to the sensible voice and stop now. Or I can read just a little more. And be in tremendous pain. Most of the time the “just” voice wins. It is a word that is anathema to controlling the level of pain. But I let it win anyway. Shoulda Woulda Coulda “Should” is another word that causes us to do so many things we know we shouldn't: “I should make the bed” or “I should make the kids dinner even though the pain is so bad.” That’s often followed by the self-flagellating counterpoint “I shouldn't have made the bed or read that book. I knew it would make the pain worse.” “Could” is another one. I find this word to be a favorite of rueful thoughts in the “coulda woulda shoulda” variety. It is also a favorite of others who ironically think it is a compliment: “You could have been a doctor, lawyer or teacher.” Yes, that’s a nice thing to say. It is usually an effort to compliment us, our intelligence or intrinsic worth. And it is so hurtful. Yes, I know I could have been those things. I may have even tried, but the chronic pain took those options away. Pretending or refusing to accept our limitations, and knowing when to say when, is often very hard to do. Because we want so much to do more than what the pain allows us to do. I am sure there are many other words that describe our plight, but in thinking about it they all seem to come under one umbrella word: Denial. It is hard to do, but we need to learn to accept what we work so hard to deny. When it comes to deciding what we can and cannot do, the pain is king.